Child To Dad

Child: “Why does mommy work?”
Das: “To buy you lots of toys and stuff.”
Child: “Yeah? Well you need to get a job then.”

Pick-up Lines ng mga Malulufet...

1. Minamalat na naman ang puso ko..
*** paano kasi, laging sinisigaw ang pangalan mo..

2. Ikaw ba may-ari ng Crayola??
*** ikaw kasi nagbibigay ng kulay sa buhay ko..

3. Uy picture tayo!!
*** para ma-develop tayo!!

4. Kung ikaw ay bola at ako ang player, mashushoot ba kita??
*** hinde, para lagi kita mamimiss..

5. Can i take your picture??
*** coz i want to show Santa exactly what i want for christmas!!

6. Exam ka ba??
*** gustong gusto na kasi kitang i-take home eh!!

7. Lecture mo ba ako??
*** lab kasi kita..

8. Centrum ka ba??
*** kasi you make my life complete!!

9. Miss pwede ba kita maging driver??
*** para ikaw na magpapatakbo ng buhay ko..

10. Mahilig ka ba sa asukal??
*** ang tamis kasi ng mga ngiti mo..

11. Pinaglihi ka ba sa keyboard??
*** kasi type kita..

12. I hate to say this but... You are like my underwear..
*** coz i can't last a day without you!!

13. Ibibili kita ng salbabida..
*** kasi malulunod ka sa pagmamahal ko..

14. Pwede ba kitang maging sidecar??
*** single kasi ako eh..

15.Me lisensya ka ba??
*** coz you're driving me crazy eh..

16. May kilala ka bang gumagawa ng relo?
*** may sira ata relo ko.. pag ikaw kasi kasama ko, humihinto ang oras ko..

17. Grabe nakakatawa yung mga pick-up lines noh?? hahaha! May alam ka pabang iba?? Wala na akong maisip eh..
*** coz all i ever think of is you..

18. I'm a bee..
*** can you be my honey??

19. Nakakatakot diba ang multo??
*** pero mas nakakatakot kapag nawala ka sa buhay ko..

20. Am i a bad shooter??
*** coz i keep on missing you..

21. Naniniwala ka ba sa love at first sight??
*** O gusto mong dumaan ulit ako??

22. Mabilis ka siguro sa mga puzzle noh??
*** kasi kakasimula pa lang ng araw ko, pero nabuo mo na agad..

23. Excuse me.. Are you a dictionary??
*** because you give meaning to my life..

24. Bangin ka ba??
*** nahuhulog kasi ako sa'yo..

25. Pustiso ka ba??
*** kasi, can't smile without you..

26. Pagod na pagod ka na noh??
*** maghapon at magdamag kana kasing tumatakbo sa isipan ko eh..

27. Me butas ba puso mo??
*** kasi natrap na ako sa loob, can''t find my way out!!

28. Anung height mo??
*** ha?? pano ka nagkasya sa loob ng puso ko..

29. Hey, did you fart??
*** coz you blew me away!!

30. Sana "T" na lang ako..
*** para I'm always right next to "U"

31. Are you Jamaican??
*** kasi Ja-maican me crazy!!

Why Jesus Is Better Than Santa Claus!

Santa lives at the North Pole.
JESUS is everywhere.

Santa rides in a sleigh.
JESUS rides on the wind and
walks on the water.

Santa comes but once a year.
JESUS is our ever present help.

Santa fills your stockings with goodies.
JESUS supplies all your needs.

Santa comes down your chimney uninvited.
JESUS stands at your door and knocks,
and then enters your heart when invited.

You have to wait in line to see Santa.
JESUS is as close as the mention
of His name.

Santa lets you sit on his lap.
JESUS lets you rest in His arms.

Santa doesn't know your name,
all he can say is "Hi little boy or girl,
what's your name?"

JESUS knew our name
even before we were born.
Not only does He know our name,
He knows our address too.
He knows our history and future.
He even knows how many hairs
are on our heads.

Santa has a belly like a bowl full of jelly.
JESUS has a heart full of love.
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All Santa can offer is
"HO HO HO"

JESUS offers health,
help and "hope."

Santa says
"You better not cry".

JESUS says
"Cast all your cares on me
for I care for you."

Santa may make you chuckle.
JESUS gives you joy
that is your strength.

While Santa puts gifts
under your tree.
JESUS became our gift and
He died on a tree.. The cross!

We need to put Christ back in CHRISTmas!
Jesus is still the Reason for the Season.

For God so loved the world
that He gave His only begotten Son,
that whosoever believeth in Him
should not perish,
but have everlasting life. John 3:16

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Pinoy Joke 1

Kodigo
Nahuling may kodigo ang estudyante.. .
Guro: Ano 'to?
Estudyante: Prayer ko po, ma'am!
Guro: At bakit answers ang nakasulat?
Estudyante: Naku! Sinagot na ang prayers ko?!

GMA
Dumalaw si GMA sa mental hospital...
Dok: Let's welcome President Arroyo!
Pumalakpak lahat ng pasyente maliban sa isa na nasa sulok...
GMA: O, dok, bakit 'yung isa, hindi pumalakpak?
Dok: Ma'am, magaling na po siya!

Mamili ka
Mister: Anong tanghalian natin?
Misis: Nasa mesa! Bahala ka nang mamili!
Mister: Isang tuyo?! Anong pagpipilian ko?
Misis: Mamili ka... kakain ka o hindi?

Plantsa
Dok: Ano'ng nangyari sa tenga mo?
Joshue: Nama-mlantsa kasi ako nang kumiriring ang telepono. Aksidenteng
na-pick up ko 'yung plantsa.
Dok: Eh bakit dalawang tenga mo ang nagkaganyan?
Joshue: Ang gago, tumawag uli!

Minsan
Minsan, sa aking pag-iisa, naalala kita...
Inisip kong nasa tabi lang kita at tayo'y nagsasaya. Tapos, bigla kang
umalis.
Nalungkot ako.
Akala ko, iiwan mo na ako. Uutot ka lang pala, tinakot mo pa ako!

PALIMOS
Pulubi: Palimos po, maawa na kayo.
Tonyo: Iinom ka o magyoyosi?
Pulubi: Wala po akong bisyo.
Tonyo: Okey. Sumama ka sa akin para malaman ng nanay ko
ang nangyayari sa taong walang bisyo.

ALITAPTAP
Anak: 'tay, hindi ako makatulog, kasi, maraming lamok!
Tatay: Papatayin natin ang ilaw para hindi tayo makita.
(Pagkapatay ng ilaw, dumating naman ang mga alitaptap.)
Anak: Hala ka, 'tay, nagdala sila ng flashlight!

SIOPAO
Kulas: Miss, isa ngang siopao, 'yung babae.
Waitress: Babaeng siopao?
Kulas: Oo. 'Yung may papel na sapin. Kumbaga, napkin.
Waitress: Ahh, ganun po ba? Lalaki po ang nandito.
Kulas: Lalaki?
Waitress: Oho, may itlog po sa loob.

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The Son

A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art. They had everything in their collection, from Picasso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works of art.

When the Vietnam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only son.

About a month later, just before Christmas, there was a knock at the door.
A young man stood at the door with a large package in his hands.

He said, "Sir, you don't know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son gave his life. He saved many lives that day, and he was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in the heart and he died instantly. He often talked about you, and your love for art." The young man held out this package. "I know this isn't much. I'm not really a great artist, but I think your son would have wanted you to have this."

The father opened the package. It was a portrait of his son, painted by the young man. He stared in awe at the way the soldier had captured the personality of his son in the painting. The father was so drawn to the eyes that his own eyes welled up with tears. He thanked the young man and offered to pay him for the picture. "Oh, no sir, I could never repay what your son did for me. It's a gift."
The father hung the portrait over his mantle. Every time visitors came to his home he took them to see the portrait of his ! son before he showed them any of the other great works he had collected.

The man died a few months later. There was to be a great auction of his paintings Many influential people gathered, excited over seeing the great paintings and having an opportunity to purchase one for their collection.

On the platform sat the painting of the son. The auctioneer pounded his gavel. "We will start the bidding with this picture of the son. Who will bid for this picture?"

There was silence.

Then a voice in the back of the room shout! d, "We want to see the famous paintings. Skip this one."
But the auctioneer persisted. "Will somebody bid for this painting. Who will start the bidding? $100, $200?"
Another voice angrily. "We didn't come to see this painting. We came to see the Van Goghs, the Rembrandts. Get on with the real bids!"

But still the auctioneer continued. "The son! The son! Who'll take the son?"

Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room. It was the long-time gardener of the man and his son.

"I'll give $10 for the painting." Being a poor man, it was all he could afford.

"We have $10, who will bid $20?"

"Give it to him for $10. Let's see the masters."

The crowd was becoming angry. They didn't want the picture of the son.

They wanted the more worthy investments for their collections.

The auctioneer pounded the gavel. "Going once, twice, SOLD for $10!"

A man sitting on the second row shouted, "Now let's get on with the collection!"

The auctioneer laid down his gavel. "I'm sorry, the auction is over."

"What about the paintings?"

"I am sorry. When I was called to conduct this auction, I was told of a secret stipulation in the will. I was not allowed to reveal that stipulation until this time. Only the painting of the son would be auctioned. Whoever bought that painting would inherit the entire estate, including the paintings.

The man who took the son gets everything!"

God gave His son 2,000 years ago to die on the cross. Much like the auctioneer, His message today is: "The son, the son, who'll take the son?"

Because, you see, whoever takes the Son gets everything.

FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD HE GAVE HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON, WHO SO EVER BELIEVETH, SHALL HAVE ETERNAL LIFE...THAT'S LOVE